Freedom from Shame
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to share my testimony with our entire church family. My testimony is messy. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at a young age. I am a pastor’s wife and mom of 4 boys, and yet I had struggled with an addiction to pornography and masturbation since I was in college. Now, more than a decade later, I’ve found freedom through Jesus. All glory and praise to Him! But I began sensing that he was preparing me to share my story so that other women could step into freedom too. I didn’t want to share - ever - because as a people pleaser at heart, I couldn’t bear the thought of others’ judgment. But I began a healing journey with the Lord, and 6 months ago I shared my testimony with my church family of more than 500 people. Shame no longer had a hold on me.
So how do you overcome shame? I want to reframe this question and instead ask, “How can I experience freedom from shame?” There isn’t a process by which you in your own power can overcome shame, rather it is the act of accepting God’s forgiveness which releases us from shame and condemnation. Romans 8:1 is a verse I often declare over my life: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV). There were many days I felt the weight of shame and guilt over what I had done. I had to remind myself daily (or sometimes multiple times a day) that I was forgiven, set free, and not condemned. Satan condemns you. You know this, right? He wants to shut you up and isolate you, but he loses all power when you choose to stand on the truth of God’s Word and declare that your debt has been cancelled. Isaiah 50:7 says, “But the Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.” One of Satan’s oldest tricks is shame. We see it in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sin. They hid because of the weight of their shame (Gen. 3:7-11). I began sharing my struggle in small groups of women here and there at MOPS or in Bible study. Before sharing, my heart would race, and the thoughts of shame would consume my mind, so I would meditate on the truth of God’s word:
I am forgiven and purified (I John 1:9)
I am not condemned (Rom. 8:1)
I am blameless and free from accusation (Col. 1:22)
And each time, the Holy Spirit would give me the courage to share my story. And every single time the weight of shame fell off. Why? Because in those moments, I chose to accept the freedom that comes through Christ’s gift. The greatest step you can take in overcoming shame is accepting God’s forgiveness and declaring your freedom to the Enemy.
Another important step in overcoming shame is vulnerability. If shame leads to isolation then vulnerability leads to freedom. I have shared my testimony many times, and it has only ever been received in grace or curiosity. (It’s not uncommon for women of an older generation to ask me many questions because my story is the first of its kind they’ve ever heard.) I want to acknowledge that I know grace is not the way every story like mine is received, and that grieves my heart. Everyone should have a safe space to be vulnerable where you can grow. I want to challenge you to pray for a person or community where you can be vulnerable. You need people who you can be vulnerable with in order to grow. If you do not know where to start to find that community, I would suggest finding a church with a recovery ministry as they will be equipped to support you on your road to freedom from shame. Vulnerability is hard because we do not know how it will be received. Pray for the right place to share your story, and then pray for the courage to obediently share it when the Lord prompts you.
Practical Steps
Posting Scripture - I lead a women’s recovery group at my church, and something that helps many of us is posting those scripture verses in plain sight all around us. We need to be reminded at every turn who we are in Christ.
Worship music - Sometimes we are just in a funk and need to reset our atmosphere. I find that turning off the tv, putting down my phone, and turning up the worship music is a great way to shift your focus back to Jesus and be reminded of the grace we’ve received.
Praying & Journaling - I write many of my prayers down, and it’s always encouraging to go back and see how the Lord answered each one. There are many, many prayers asking God to take away my struggle and shame, and now I can look back and see how he answered each one. He is faithful!
Accountability - It might seem like the scariest step, but learning to be vulnerable with a trusted friend or mentor will be key in overcoming shame. (Side note - I used to think accountability was someone sitting across from me, grilling me about what I had done wrong. Oh how wrong that is! Accountability is more about me being accountable for my own thoughts and feelings that could lead to destructive behaviors or habits.)
It’s for freedom that you’ve been set free, sister! (Gal. 5:1) I am praying that you are able to leave the yoke of shame behind and step confidently into the freedom Christ bought for you.
Guest writer: Kylie Chrismond