The Purpose and Practice of Accountability
What is accountability: Accountability is a willingness to expose the reasons and motives for one's actions.
Why is accountability important: Romans 14:12 says “each of us will give a personal account to God.” We will stand before Him and every action will be on full display along with the motives behind those actions. But He already knows those. So why is it so important that we experience that expository process on earth?
The idea of standing fully exposed before the Lord is a terrifying thought to most people because we assume we will be met with disgust and condemnation. We fear that if we are fully seen, we will be rejected. So, we choose an alternative that feels safer: to hide. Instead of risking rejection, we settle for not being known. Which is exactly what we did in the Garden. After eating the fruit, Adam and Eve suddenly felt shame at their nakedness and tried to cover themselves. When God asks Adam “where are you?”, Adam replies “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” Adam had spent his entire life fully exposed before the Lord and was not afraid. Why did that change after they rebelled? God’s unwavering character did not shift in response to the sin of His creation; He was still all-knowing and all-loving. So why did Adam and Eve assume they needed to avoid condemnation from a Father who had never once condemned them? His care for them was unscathed but their perception of His care was wrecked. All of the grace that was available before the Fall was still there! But they were no longer able to receive it in the same capacity. That’s what Satan wanted all along – to break connection.
We see in Genesis 3 that God’s immediate response to sin is to ask questions: Where are you? Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat? The purpose of these questions was not to inform an unknowing Father, but to provide an opportunity for His children to reflect on their own heart and take ownership for their actions. This is the origin of accountability.
God’s second response is to describe the consequences that Adam and Eve were about to endure. Not because He was in a fit of rage and wanted them to suffer, but because He wanted them to know what was naturally coming as a result of defining good and evil on their own terms. I believe God was deeply grieved as He explained those consequences - grieved that they had decided to break away from Him and grieved by the suffering that would ensue from living outside of parameters He set to keep them safe. But the alternative would be enabling sin; not letting them take ownership and responsibility for their lives which would, in turn, lead to their destruction. Without consequences, there would be no need to turn away from evil, no awareness that they were walking towards death (Romans 6:23). He was valuing their benefit over their comfort. God’s willingness to hold His children accountable was not an outlier of His loving character, it was an expression of it.
God’s final response in Genesis 3 consists of two acts of grace. First, He made Adam and Eve clothes. Even though He never wanted them to feel like they had to cover themself in the first place, He knew that they were afraid to come out of hiding so He met them where they were. He didn’t wait for them to shift their actions and prove that they would never sin again before trying to reconnect with them. God’s constant offer is to come out of hiding and walk with Him again. Secondly, “God banished them from the Garden of Eden… And he placed a flaming sword that flashed back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.” Again, this is not an act of punishment, but of protection. He removed them from temptation.
The purpose of accountability is not sin management. It’s not to make us behave enough to deserve good things. Cultivating relationships that prioritize accountability helps us see that we are wanted where we are and gives us the tools to come out of hiding. It reconnects us, protects us, and helps us walk in freedom. Accountability helps bring the Kingdom of Heaven – where everyone is fully seen and fully loved – to Earth.
How do we live into accountability: We often want to jump to the practical steps because we desperately want to fix our behavior, but God wants our hearts. But just like in the Garden, our humanity will continually mistake harmful things for fulfilling things. We need help discerning our motives and seeing our hearts clearly. Are we willing to be held accountable in walking on the path of freedom?
Willing is different than wanting. Jesus did not want to die on a cross. He pleaded with God, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me.” And in the same breath, expressed His willingness by saying, “Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Luke 22:42) Not wanting to be held accountable makes total sense, it’s messy and painful and intimate, just like the cross. It’s also the path to freedom, just like the cross. We can fear the redemptive process and simultaneously step into it because we trust that it will result in Goodness. It’s a beautiful thing to hold those two things in tandem; that is willingness. The first step in accountability is the willingness to expose ourselves, to examine our motives and take ownership of our actions, to submit to God’s method of healing instead of assuming we know how to best heal ourselves.
After that, we follow the example God set in Genesis 3:
Ask Questions:
Ask the Lord, “Search me, O God, and know my heart. Is there anything in my thoughts, actions, or motives that offends you? How can I walk with you along the path of everlasting life?” (Psalm 139:23-24). Give yourself time to listen (a good starting point is setting a timer for 10 minutes to sit in silence and see if He reveals anything.) Write down how that went – your thoughts, questions, revelations, frustrations – anything about that experience. Do this practice with regularity.
Confess to another believer that you trust. Have them ask you these two questions in response: What are you longing for? Instead of trying to fulfill that desire through your own means, how can God meet you there and truly satisfy? Dig into motives together – they may be able to see things that you can’t.
Create a Plan:
After exposing your actions and delving into motives, create a plan with your accountability partner(s) that removes temptation and also draws you into connection. For example, if your phone is a source of temptation to view pornography, have your partner remove web browsers/apps that could enable sin AND interpret the desire to watch it as a signal to call a friend for prayer.
Remind yourself and your partner to value freedom over comfort. There will be times where accountability will make you both squirm. Trust the process: reveal yourself over and over again (a good starting point could be meeting up once a week to practice confession).
Receive Grace:
Don’t wait until you feel like you’re “good enough” to connect with God, others, or your own self. Meditate on the fact that God sees you fully and loves you fully. Trust His method of pursuing freedom with the help of community. Treat yourself with gentleness and mercy instead of condemnation. Breaking connection will always be the accuser’s method to destroy us; reconnection will always be God’s method to free us.
Written by guest blog writer Alainna Goodnight.