Your Recovery Journey: 3 Places to Start
You have decided it is time to take steps towards recovery. You no longer want to watch pornography, but you have no idea where to begin. Thankfully, more and more resources are available for women, but that also means it can be overwhelming. You have no idea where to start.
This blog is for you!
We have personal experience overcoming pornography addictions. It took many years of trial and error to figure out what worked for us. We had no idea where to begin, and resources for women were almost nonexistent. We desperately desired guidance, but there was none. So here we are, hopefully providing you with a few helpful starting points that we wish we had when we were first beginning our journey to recovery!
Step 1: Process
Whether you have watched porn once or been addicted for twenty years, processing is necessary. You have read or seen things that no person should be exposed to. You have also likely dealt with immense shame, often accompanied by toxic thoughts and a feeling of hopelessness. Reading through a book or devotional that includes helpful discussion questions can break down what you have been through into manageable pieces. Below are a few books and a devotional that offer this helpful guidance:
90 Days to Wholeness: A Porn Addiction Recovery Devotional for Women by Crystal Renaud Day (This comes as a free reading plan on the You Version Bible App).
Dirty Girls Come Clean by Crystal Renaud Day
Restored: A Woman’s Guide to Overcoming Pornography by Alice Taylor
Step 2: Invite
You don’t have to do this alone! Confession is incredibly nerve-racking, but also incredibly healing. Think of a woman in your life who you would consider telling about your struggle with porn. Think of someone who:
is female (men and women should be in community with others of the same sex and have their individual spaces to process and heal);
has the same religious beliefs as you (telling someone with different religious beliefs can often leave you feeling confused, hurt, and misunderstood, not because they are a bad person or friend, but simply because of a difference in belief);
has shown you, or others, the grace and love of Jesus.
It is important to share your struggles with porn with your fiancé or spouse, but they should not be your primary accountability partner. In this blog, we are talking about finding the person who may potentially become your accountability partner.
If your religion or church denomination encourages you to confess to a church leader who happens to be a male, that’s totally fine! Pray and trust your own convictions. On top of confessing to a church leader, it may still be helpful to find a female friend or mentor in your life who you can talk to on a regular basis.
Step 3: Restrict Access
Although restricting access to pornography will not immediately take away the temptation or remove pornographic images from your mind, it is a very important part of recovery! Eliminating access allows you to create the space you need to heal. The longer you go without watching porn, the more you can fill your mind with truth and reverse the effects that pornography has had on your brain.
Have a friend change your screen time passcode and restrict the internet and App Store on your devices.
Download an accountability software like Covenant Eyes or Accountable2You (try a month of Accountable2You for FREE).
Unsubscribe from streaming services.
Stop reading particular genres of books that are triggering to you.
We hope this provides a little bit of guidance for starting your recovery journey. The most important thing is to remember that recovery is a process. It won’t happen overnight. It takes effort. Celebrate the fact that you are trying and that you want to overcome pornography. And of course, remember that you are forgiven and loved by the Lord!