Embrace the Uncomfortable

Imagine a world, or better yet, imagine a church, a body of believers that don’t hide behind the fear of what society thinks, but rather rests in the truth of what God says. A church that not only speaks the truth, but acts it out too. A church that wears authenticity on their sleeve, not just as a slogan on their website. A church that encourages vulnerability because it knows mold cannot fester when the light is shown. Now, imagine a church that embraces the uncomfortable for the sake of the gospel. For the sake of loving others as well as they preach.

So often, instead of that church, we have a church that hides behind the uncomfortability of certain issues, one of which is women who struggle with pornography. I know, because I have been there. I spent years trapped in a cycle of sin and shame. I could only have hoped for a church that would accept me for who I was, for what I was struggling with. A church that would speak truth, call me out, love me, and lift me up. Mostly, I craved a church that would tell me I wasn’t alone. But, that is how I felt. Completely and utterly alone. I was too afraid to even say the word “pornography” because of the immense shame I felt. Now, I look back and wish I had been told earlier that I was not alone. Not even close.

Hermione Granger, the one and only, spoke wise words in Harry Potter when she said that “fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.” If only I had realized that sooner. And sure, while Harry Potter is fictional, Hermione’s words ring truer and truer the older I get. I was afraid of the word “pornography” because of the shame it brought on. But once I began speaking it out, I realized that the word held less and less power over me.

I first told my friend, Gloria, fully expecting judgment and astonishment at my grossness, but that wasn’t what I got. She said “me too,” if you can believe it! I then told my friend Emily, then my mentor, Ashley. Every time I spoke the word, I felt more and more freedom! It was amazing and I couldn’t believe how long I had been trapped in fear, feeling desperately alone when I didn’t have to. And the most amazing part was that every time I told someone, they said the same thing: “Me too.”

I am so blessed and thankful for those “me too” moments, although I wish it didn’t have to be so. I wish so many women didn’t have to go through this alone before realizing the power of vulnerability. We do not need to fear the word, and we do not have to be alone.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

We are women of God, and we walk in power. We walk in love. And we walk in self-control. That is my prayer today. Over myself and over all the women who are feeling so desperately alone right now in this sin. Pornography is not just a “man’s issue.” As women of God, we need to speak it out. Call one another higher, and do not give power to fear.

Written by: Hannah Richardson