Anonymous Testimony: Christ Alone

At a young age of thirteen years old, I was exposed to pornography through satellite television. I was scrolling through the options on the television when I saw explicit titles that I had never seen before. Out of my curiosity, I had clicked on the pornography channel that was not secured. This was the first time I was ever exposed to the dangers of pornography. As a young child going through the beginning of puberty, I didn’t quite understand what I was seeing but I understood that I was viewing something that was not meant for children. I quickly went back to the main menu, only to find many pornographic channels. This is how my curiosity began.

I began to rethink about what I had watched, and it’s when I began searching up pornography on a family computer. At this age I knew how to be deceiving, and I was fully aware of how to hide my browser history after I had viewed those explicit pages. As I went through puberty, there were many instances where I was exposed to explicit content through movies and shows. Around the age of sixteen I fully understood what pornography was and why people used it. Although I was aware that it was mostly viewed by men, I knew there was a small percentage of women that would watch it and I began feeling ashamed for watching it as well on rare occasions. As I grew up in my late teens, I would watch pornography and then began participating in masturbation after feeling a large desire to participate in sexual activities. Although this desire began to diminish as I started having pre-marital relationships with men, the problem did not go away.

By God’s grace I heard the gospel and was saved at the age of 20. I was convicted of my sin and knew the dangers of sexual immorality, lust, and pornography. As I matured in my faith, these sexual sins that I was so quick to fall into were no longer dwelling inside my flesh. I experienced the love of God and the truth that I was called to obey His word by living a holy and godly life, although I dearly wish that this was the end to my experience and the danger of pornography. It was not.

As a young believer I began a relationship with a Christian man who had faced the consequences of pornography and was currently undergoing a serious addiction to it. I felt as though I could help this man through my experience, and we could overcome these sins together. I was extremely wrong. I unfortunately had to learn the dangers of being in a relationship with a Christian man who was currently undergoing some serious sin struggles in his life, and I had to learn that only God and what Jesus accomplished on the cross and his truth would help a believer overcome sin. As I grew in this relationship with this man, my feelings and sexual desires began to grow and his were too. I quickly became falling into the deep hole of temptation and premarital sex with this man. I was exposed to many lies during this relationship and it brought serious consequences. My addiction to pornography began once again. This relationship brought a large amount of heartache, and it affected my relationship with God. I no longer believed that I could overcome these sins, and I believed that I would struggle with them for the rest of my life.

By God’s mercy and extreme goodness and grace, through prayer, guidance from faithful Christian women, and repentance I ended that damaging relationship. I confessed my sins to a close friend about the struggles I was going through, and she encouraged me to download software on my computer and phones to protect me. She became my accountability partner. The Lord had provided a way to secure me from being exposed to pornography and sexual desires once again. Although my life has not been one without sexual sin and shame, God continues to preserve my life and convict my heart. Through the power of Christ within me, I am able to overcome the toxic thoughts and temptations from the enemy.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ who lives in me.” Galatians 2:20