Chelsie’s Testimony: Women At The Well
I was exposed to pornography at the age of 13 by a family member, which led to my struggle with masturbation and pornography. I remember feeling curious about it because I’d heard of porn, but I’d never seen it at that time. Despite my curiosity, I just told myself to not worry about it and to never look at it again. A few months prior to being exposed, I began going to church and growing my relationship with God. But after the exposure my curiosity grew, and I began to feel hesitant to grow closer to God because I started to struggle with lust. Now I just felt weird and dirty, too dirty for God…so I thought.
By the time I got to high school, I ended up turning to masturbation as a coping mechanism. It started off with just masturbation, but then slowly turned into watching pornography. What I mean by slowly is that it started from reading romantic novels to looking at images to watching sex scenes from rated R movies and finally to getting on porn websites. I didn’t see it as an addiction at the time because it wasn’t like I was looking at it every day. I would look at it here and there. I kept this to myself because I didn’t want people to judge me, especially for being a Christian and a woman struggling with this.
The addiction continued as I got to college. By that time, it really affected how I would worship God. I felt unworthy and thought God didn’t want anything to do with me because of my struggle. I would still go to church and fellowship with others, but deep down inside I felt miserable, ashamed, dirty, and scared. I would try to stop on my own but would fail every time. I thought I was the only female struggling with this because all I’d heard was how guys struggle with it.
When I was at my lowest, I knew I had to share with someone. Admitting to God that I had an addiction was hard and I knew confessing to someone else would be harder. But I was done fighting the battle alone and needed help. I prayed about it, and God dropped a very close friend on my heart to share with her about my struggle. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was so nervous, but finally got the courage to share with my friend. When it was time, I confessed what I was going through. When I finished sharing, the first words that came out of her mouth were, “Me too, sis.” I felt so much relief because I thought I was the only female Christian struggling with porn and masturbation. She also shared her story, and I’ll never forget the feeling of God’s presence as we fellowshipped and shared. Afterwards we prayed, and I felt like a new person.
Honestly, I thought I wasn’t going to struggle with the addiction anymore. It became harder to resist, and I remember getting frustrated with myself because I thought I was completely free from it. I felt more disgusted and ashamed of myself than before. However, I would always run back to God. Plus I had my closest loved ones by my side to help me keep fighting. They were there for me and helped me on my journey to freedom. Most importantly, they showed me grace and didn’t judge me.
Slowly, I started sharing my story with other women and realized that many other Christian women struggle with it too. During my recovery, the story of the Samaritan woman at the well really stood out to me. I’ve heard of the story before, but throughout my recovery I looked at it differently. It was like I could relate to the Samaritan woman on how she felt. I was in awe of how Jesus showed compassion to her and how He set her free. It is my favorite Bible story to this day. About two years ago, I started a small ministry called Women at the Well. My heart and the purpose of the ministry is to help other women, show compassion, and bring awareness to the damages of pornography. Throughout my recovery, the Holy Spirit always reminded me that I wasn’t too broken or dirty for God. I am His daughter, made in His image, and I am loved by Him. Freedom and recovery is possible! Jesus did it for me, and I know He’ll do it for you too!!