Katie’s Testimony: God Delights In Me

I have been addicted to masturbating since I was 7 or 8 years old. I didn't even fully understand what it was when I first started but before I knew it, I couldn't stop and didn't want to. Fast forward a few years later, I found porn and it built onto the initial addiction. Porn set up false expectations and ultimately resulted in me lusting after women. After I graduated high school, I met a girl with similar struggles and eventually the conversations turned inappropriate. This opened up a door where I would spend the next 9 years of my life in multiple homosexual relationships that were mainly focused on sex. The most meaningful relationship I had during that time lasted 5 years.

The whole time, I knew in my heart that it was not what God wanted for me. I felt deep conviction, but I had a hard time letting go. I feared God, and I viewed Him as a God of consequences and punishment. I was afraid of what awaited for me on the other side of this sin. Eventually after a series of events outside of my control, I came to a point where I didn't really have a choice. It was a prodigal daughter return.

I reached out to the church my parents attended, and the women's pastor called me. I told her my full story up to that point on our first phone call. I knew I needed help and if I kept putting it off, I would never confess what was needed in order for healing to take place. At that time, I had broken up with my girlfriend but we were still talking, and I was trying to make myself straight by dating a guy. When I spewed all this out to the women's pastor (now my mentor), she so graciously listened to and loved me. I thought for sure she'd be looking for the door, but when I woke up the next morning, I had a text from her with a few scripture references and a reminder that she was praying for me and told me to delight in Him who delights in me.

God delights in me?! I was amazed. That first conversation was a year and a half ago. Since then, God has shown me the deep love and compassion He has for me. My story can be summed up by saying His kindness led to repentance. Seeing and accepting His unconditional love for me made me run towards Him with everything in me. Today, I am single (by choice) and trusting God for complete restoration of the years lost. I am in counseling, and I still meet regularly with my sweet friend that has mentored me through this whole process. I still struggle with addiction and SSA, but I've come such a long way from who I was. My mentor once said:

"I celebrate where you are today versus where Katie would have been maybe a year ago. Today that's worth celebrating. Remember perfection is not the aim, that's actually impossible here on earth. Maturing is the measure."

I've held onto that text since I received it, and I celebrate every moment of healing and seeing God continue to work in and through me. Seeing what He's brought me through gives me hope, and I am praying it does the same for you.