Mercy’s Testimony: God’s Kindness

God has been so very kind to me in walking with me through my struggle with porn and masturbation.

The first way He’s been so kind to me is that he exposed my sin to others. I was first convicted when my grandma found the sites I was visiting on her computer and mentioned it to my mom, who brought it up with me later.

The second way He has been kind to me is that even after many years of struggling through middle and high school and even college, He has helped me see that giving into my sin is never worth it. It does not and will never satisfy me. Feeling “good” for a moment is not the same “good” I feel when I’m truly doing right and serving Him as I should with my body. His way doesn’t come with shame, fear, and guilt. Living for Him and saying no to my fleshly desires provides true freedom. That is what I was seeking.

The last way He has been so good to me is that I have seen my desire for sin decrease in the last year. I don’t have a cure for why or how I stopped watching porn. I decided that I didn’t want that shame and guilt anymore. I decided it wasn’t worth it, and as I made my choice each day to say no and resist, my desire for sin decreased. I know it is not gone forever because I am still tempted, but I am way quicker to say no now than I was 3-5 years ago.

All glory to God. His ways are better than mine because they are right. 

I had to learn to take action steps: putting my phone at the other side of the room, deleting certain apps, physically leaving a room so I won’t be alone, speaking to a trusted friend who could hold me accountable, and eventually telling my husband. God’s hand has been in it all. I’m so thankful for His conviction and love that binds me to His side every day if I remind myself of His truth. No sin is ever worth it, especially not porn.