Sarah’s Testimony: In Christ Alone

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I was molested by someone I knew. From that point on, I struggled with masturbation in order to constantly feel that feeling. There was never a satisfaction that came from it even at that young innocent age.

By the time I was about 9-11, I was exposed to porn. I also found books that talked about sex, so I read that as much as I could. I would masturbate any chance I'd get, and my porn addiction became worse as I became a teenager and the internet showed up. Having my own phone was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me because I could access anything at anytime for however long I wanted.

My bondage to this secret sin stayed a secret for almost 30 years of my life. I felt that I had God fooled because I was convinced that I had everyone else fooled.

Once my first nephew was born, I knew I wanted to be free of this bondage because I wanted to be pure around him. The Lord led me to counseling with Crystal Renaud. I took the 12-week intensive program. It was the hardest, most beneficial and freeing decision I made in my life. That's when I found out WHY I masturbated and why I watched pornography.

Once I was exposed to my own sin by someone else and confessed it out loud, I felt less inclined to desire it.

For the past 3 years now, I've grown in my walk, identity and purpose in Christ. I'm not perfect on this side of heaven, but my devotion, gratitude and strength are found in Christ. Knowing who I am in Christ has allowed me to stand firm on Christ's righteousness and not mine. Anytime I do have slip ups, I crawl back to the feet of Jesus and He cleanses me and reminds me that I'm not defined by sin, PERIOD.

Overall, God has shown me that my need for Him is greater and more satisfying than anything here on earth, including the empty self-gratifying secret lifestyle I was taking part in regularly.